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I can’t believe it’s been an entire year since I last wrote my 1 year,
Now as it’s my second anniversary of my sexual assault but something that way outshines that now is my Trauma Recovery 1 year anniversary! Why because it changed my life for the better
Unlike most things that are for the worse.
I think I wanted to share my healing journey because when I asked for help on healing it was hard hearing the truthful answers, or some women would say “I just moved on and never got the old me back”,
Like my therapist says and maybe yours too you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help someone else. With that maybe I wanted more then confusion and just moving on.
Thank you all around the world who write to me! Your shining stars & tremendous support.I loved this from my daily “Language Of Letting Go” App.
“Set yourself free
I’ll let go tomorrow; I’m having too much fun torturing myself today. No, that’s not really it. I’ll let go tomorrow; the things I’m holding on to need me to hold them today. Yes, that’s closer to what it is. I’m not enjoying myself at all today, but I have to keep holding on to my desires, my guilt, my limitations, and my worries. I am defined by them. And you want me to let go of them today? Sorry, maybe tomorrow. And so we hold on. And the ulcer grows. And the pain in our hearts from unfulfilled expectations keeps gnawing away at us. What we’re really putting off is the freedom we get from letting go.
Yes, I know that what you’re holding on to is important. Everything that I have ever had to let go of was important to me, too. If it wasn’t important, letting go wouldn’t be a struggle. We’d just put it down and walk away.
You’ve been given today. Will you use it or will you miss out on today’s wonder because you’re too preoccupied with holding on to things that are beyond your control?
God, help me let go, today.
Quoted from the app More Language of Letting Go.”
1 Year Check in MARCH 28 2023
Some dots I connected this year let me know if this tracks with you ?
A “negative Pain” chain ( pain in your mind you feel about something ) mix it with Shame -rejection / blame “hate” - then cement that “negative pain” chain & shame hate spiral in with “EGO” & learned victim mentality from family and society. You have equaled a full on = “stuck point” the longer this manifests Phycologicaly internally in the mind then grows to external physically in the body totaling chronic anxiety, depression disorders and extreme people pleasing / perfectionism attributes that loop until you either break out and show up authentically you or opposite ( mental crisis / illness ) if you don’t break out to help yourself you inflict illness, sickness and other deathly body effects and functionalities to yourself.
Step by step “12 steps” over the year with every thing I saw I “trauma bonded” with; time, my phone, being busy, the list could be other things for you like ( relationship to sibling, dating, parents , zoning out, confusion.) starting March 2022 til now April 2023 , I broke down & out of the following: shame spiral, fear inventory , perfection addiction traits, ( in specific ways but I am generalizing category here).
I took a easy for the year to prioritize, practice and learn wellness and atune to spirituality, positive priming , guided meditations for transitioning,reading over 40 books from Hazelden Publishing , attending their webinars, free sessions and found guided work books for each area I needed to work deeper on.
Books & programs here:
GETTING MY BODY ALIGNED WITH MY MIND
I showed scanned my brain, completed 100 session of at home Direct Neuro Feedback front & back of head from home. I also worked with a integrative medicine doctor who did extensive blood work and home kits to work on my brain, gut, stomach for change in optimal diet that supports my neurodivergent diet essential needs. Amen clinic integrative medicine doctor . I also employed “peak state” activities to wake my body, get it feeling as positive as I wanted my mind too. I love the mini at home trampoline for this, my oxygen tank, also cyro therapy works and ice baths. ((GET THAT BODY READY TO CHANGE OUT OF OLD TRAUMA STATES AND GET READY FOR HEALED FUN BODY AGAIN))
I worked with Amen clinic on a corrective plan to awaken my brain as it still needed healing and in 6 months I had a model brain to function better then ever, continued on nutrition / vitamins and diet.
Specifically vitamins, books and tools shown on AmensClinic.com & BRAINMD.com worked better then prescriptions when you know your entire self.
As I mentioned this I completed over 100 sessions of EEG + EEG FOR SPORT / trauma protocols front and back of brain that eliminated depression and eliminated negative anxiety with leaving new brain pathways of calm, relief, brain change, positive anxiety to function better. (Life savor)
Check in your area for local options for home use.
APPS ON YOUR PHONE YOU CAN START WITH AUDIO LIKE AT A CLINIC, SHUT YOUR EYES & ENVISION:
•BRAIN WAVE APP
•BRain Waves App
I took part in “insight timer” Spirtual app challenges that merged my gap between self.
I started prompted yearly journals for adhd , CBT & DBT therapy processing for a best year ever journey. Examples: https://amzn.to/3KnSvQR
Amen clinics ADHD healing program & hired ADHD coaches for a couples months and completed my methods for neurodivergent success in hacks to build my stamina back up from 0 and to got to 100 if need be. My goal as I felt like I lost my mind and capabilities with a trauma that brought this on.
I continued wellness programs to dive deeper in practice with “ UNLEASH HER POWER WITHIN “ a Tony Robbins 3 month online / journal + plus 4 day event program.
As well a 12 week “Emotionally Dating Naked” program by Lisa Sheild with 2 group weekly calls and success coach with 12 step principles to date in a new way and continue flourishing as one of my goals in my healing year was to learn better attachment styles and date with my new normal not past comfortable beliefs only new beliefs to keep me clear of leaving my past in the past .
Over all I share a sample of what worked for me so if this helps someone and you want to do the work and teach yourself or #reparent
After a traumatic event you have the power to see it works.
I got to be amazed all year when it came to holiday time I didn’t have to get back on anti depressants, drink , do drugs. or adhd medication, I didnt feel painful thoughts anymore , I had clarity instead of overwhelm, I had peace where there was once shame/sadness. I had strength where there was overwhelming weakness/ perfectionism. I also got to share this with my teen and I’m grateful we had the opportunity to compare.
I can now recognize others transparently and meet them where they are better then ever, I can know fully with ada compliance recognize mental disorders, know how to accommodate, being compassionate to all communication, I can put to rest negative stimulus’s and focus on positive stimulus’s which is like living in a new world for me.
I literally see the same “dog” differently for example. I’m grateful for doing this work and I’m appreciative for having my GRIT back and living this future forward Farrah life I get now. New life = New eyes.
I will say I wish a lot of my family could be with me in the most amazing chapter of my life but I acknowledge I can’t expect someone unwell to act well - I respect limits, I respect they don’t want to do the work and I respect me and surrounding myself with only those who want to see me succeed. I hold those accountable like I hold myself accountable.
The miracles that happened this year in work I’ll never forget I owe it to “12 steps”. For colleagues and supporters near and far to see and recognize my happiness for once in my life. For supporters to mention what I used to surround myself with and they saw me struggle was needed for me to hear and read to stay to this path of wellness. ( Thank you)
Thank you to the men & woman, people all over the world, who made this very moment in time a reality. We Are here 2023 .
I now celebrate the day I get a chance to mark my life of authenticity, breaking the chain of Trauma and living life of abundance rather then the remembrance of the latter of a sexual assault that plagued my life of trauma, hardships and disconnect from self.
Wow what a difference it makes to get your focus on well-being, healing to change your circumstances into victories.
To all of the doctors, therapists, past victims of assaults and amazing recognitions of my life journey thank you for writing me, talking to me.
After my trauma I asked a journalist who I tried to cancel on “ how did you heal , how did you move on, how?” As she acted as though I shouldn’t feel how I feel “state of confusion”.
Vaguely I got a response of she just met someone (husband) and never got her old self back and continued on with out a pause wanting me to focus on past work stuff so she could get back to celebrity work . Granted I couldn’t be around men this day , was crying all day and tried to cancel on this person. This is why I share this all above.
I want you to see I care and empathize with others and show compassion for trauma in our society that is in 1 in 3 people and set a standard our society needs to have awareness for trauma so resentment healing begins. It was hard dealing with a society that seems uneducated on well being, healing and Ada compliance even at rape victim centers, doctor offices and people oriented job functions.
By the way I use to just wish and pray daily for my health of the “old me” when I was in chronic pain, hyper body tension, severe headaches, lock jaw and insomnia from this trauma but God did me one better - God made me entirely “a new” and better then my “old self” and I choose the “new me” any day over the past I fantasized about. This is how I moved past trauma , doing the work of healing, wellness and staying dedicated to my self love that only I can give myself this , NO ONE ELSE - for one amazing focused year.
Cheers to your healing and abundance journey #reparenting , May your self love attract your best relationships , epic work experiences and give back to those who may be experiencing what you’ve moved beyond from.
Our world is getting greater and greater each day thank you for being apart of my life time it means the world to me!
This is the sign you’ve been waiting for to help yourself or someone you know - now it’s up to you.
Check out these links that may inspire you:
BRC bringing real change centers
Sunshine neuro feedback
Integrative medicine doctor
Shameless episode. Season 10, Episode 6 mentioned in Video.
Movie : “LUCKIEST GIRL ALIVE” on Netflix &
“THE GIRL FROM NOWHERE” NETFLIX TV SERIES.
DBT WORKBOOK : https://amzn.to/3KnSvQR
You can find twelve step programs for everything in your life - it’s not only for when your coping mechanisms are out of line from a trauma, it’s healthy to have 12 steps in your thinking for everything you do each day.
📚EPIC AUDIBLES :
Attached By Amir Levine
Why Men Are The Way They Are By Warren Farrell
•PATRICIA LOVE: HOW TO IMPROVE YOUR MARRIAGE WITHOUT TALKING ABOUT IT.
•WAYNE DYER : POWER OF INTENTION
•William Strauss : Generations
•WILLIAM STRAUSS : THE FOURTH TURNING
ENJOY THE READS & WISHING YOU SUCCESS ON YOUR JOURNEY.
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